The Fastest Guitar Alive will be of interest to aficionados of 60’s pop culture. If you are not sure you belong to this group, the following is a quick, reliable test. If you are amused by the fact that the minor character “1st Expressman” is played by Sam the Sham, then this film might be a pleasant diversion for 87 minutes of your life. Might be; you can take that as a lukewarm recommendation. It’s lighthearted fare with some competent Roy Orbison songs, none of them masterpieces but none of them bad. The title does not imply that Roy plays like Joe Satriani; the acoustic guitar he carries throughout the film has been modified so that if you play a certain chord a retractable six-shooter emerges from the guitar's body (fastest guitar, fastest gun... get it?).
The film has the look and feel of any episode of the 1960’s TV show Bonanza. They could have used the same sets, costumes, incidental music, and saturated-color film stock. Watching this film any Baby Boomer who spent their formative years bathed in low-level radiation will feel the same involuntary responses.
If you don’t know or care who Roy Orbison is, then read no further. Otherwise, note that the late Mr. Orbison and his songwriting partner, Bill Dees (who passed away in 2012), penned seven original songs for this 1967 film (also available on an LP released along with the film). The song titles are Pistolero, Good Time Party, River, Whirlwind, Medicine Man, Rollin’ On, and the eponymous title song. The musical scenes have little to do with the film's story line, but who cares. Roy always sports a different brand-new cowboy outfit and his luxuriant (and tall!) head of hair is always perfect.
The film’s saving grace is that it does not take itself seriously. It is self-aware. There is a Freudian joke about the obvious phallic symbolism of a guitar that is also a gun, and there are other surprisingly witty moments. The dialog and acting is hilariously awful, but that’s beside the point. If you can get past the casual racism (we’ve got Funny Indians!) you might enjoy things like the following snippet of dialogue from the Chestnut sisters:
“When a woman wants something from a man, she makes love to him. When a man wants something from a man, he goes to war for it.”
“Gee, sis, I wish I could think of things to say like that.”
I had this film running in the background as I worked on my laptop, so those 87 minutes where not a total waste.
